20180703

20180703 I've realized over the past few days that I have a cyclic depression/anxiety. Fortunately it is short lived and not very frequent. I think I've had it all my life. Is it seasonal or situational? But during these times I don't think straight, make bad decisions, and say things that I wouldn't normally say. I don't work well under pressure. I misinterpret others and become hyper-critical. With the anxiety, my decision making process is off. I decide out of desperation and become alarmist, overly quick to make rash decisions. With the depression, I become moody, my thoughts turn dark, I find no joy in life. It affects every aspect of my life where I wonder if I've have ever been happy. I know I have but during these times I can no longer feel it. It is a dark place where I don't care whether I live or die. I need to remember this feeling and the triggers that put me here so I can circumvent them in the future and avoid all this. I also don't appreciate the good times as much as I should. Looking back over old emails I realized that the majority of our disagreements are in the summer, I don't know why that is. Maybe that is part of my seasonal cycle, maybe I don't do well with the heat.