Saturday, July 7, 2018

20170503

Jealousy Speaking from the point of view of the jealous one, I can say that it is cyclic. I have found that it is not something I will just get over and be done with. It is jealousy towards those that she has had love and attention for, and I want her to myself. Not only now but in the past as well, and I understand that is not only illogical, but is not possible. I've realized that it is also jealousy for my own shyness as a teenager. I didn't pursue those that I was with in the same ways. I could have been more outgoing etc. I realize that the past is the past and nothing can be done about it. I should not though shy away from confronting my feelings on it. I have to own my own past. I made mistakes that I wish I didn't make, but at the time it was what I wanted. Right or wrong, at the time I wanted it. I realized through those experiences what I really wanted in life. Where I am now is what I want. She doesn't deserve any backlash for the past, by my silence nor me not being able to deal with things. She has chosen me and I her. Owning my own past and allowing her to not be burdened by my feelings toward her past has allowed me to let it go.

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