20170902

20170902 When Matthew Avery was in town for a visit with the family, Arlene had a bladder infection, so I took her to the doctor to get the meds she needed. They prescribed the meds, and did not need to do a physical examination. A nurse helped Arlene get a urine sample in the bathroom while I waited outside. A few weeks later, Arlene said she didn't understand why she had to disrobe in front of the doctor, myself, and Trebor (Trebor wasn't there obviously). First off, I have never done anything inappropriate to your parents, and have treated them as my own. I need to clear the confusion and misrepresentation that is swirling around right now. People with Alzheimer's will sometimes create memories that did not happen. They will take stories they have heard, news reports, etc, and they will become part of their memories as if it happened to them. Around the same time, Rich had requested that I replace the shower head in their shower, so he could use the type with the hose. We had an unused one at our house that I installed there. Prior to changing the shower head, Jen says that before the shower head change that Arlene would shower on her own, but sometime get confused on what to do. When it came to helping Arlene shower, Jen handled all of that, I never was even in the room. After the shower head change, Arlene could not figure out how to use it, it had too many valves and knobs, so after a week or so, I replaced with the original. Arlene grew increasingly agitated when it came to shower time, varying between 'why did Rob changed the shower head?' to 'why don't you just bring (a neighbor) up here to shower me?' other illogical statements started to immerge, like after one of her daughters left, Arlene said something to the effect of you never talk to me but you talk to her' and then accused them of dating. It has been sad to see your mom go through this. It will probably get worse. Alzheimer's wreaks havoc on the brain and so far Arlene has done fairly well with it, but it is a progressive disease going from not knowing how to distinguish between the remote and the phone, and your own reality being replaced. Emotional swings become common, and also illogical. I think we've all seen the swings where she will be upset over a conversation because she thinks it is about her when it isn't. I will no longer be giving Arlene her pills even though we have never had a problem with her getting upset about it, on the contrary Arlene and I laugh and joke about it. Just today during her shower Mary said that Arlene accused Rich of taking her out on to the front lawn and making her disrobe. These are not real memories, this is a manifestation of Alzheimer's progression. Please keep this in mind when you hear her complaints. 20171013 I have tried to remain empathetic when I've witnessed family members turning against each other for whatever reason. I've always tried to keep an open and objective mind and be inclusive of others whether or not they agree or disagree with me. Now that the tables have turned and I have been the recipient of some of these false accusations and murmurings I understand more what you all went through in dealing with toxic family members. I'm sorry if I was not more supportive during those times to each of you when you were on the receiving end of it. I'm glad that I know of the accusations. It is a double edged sword though because with knowing about them I have pulled away from my duty to care for a Rich and Arlene. Now that I know it has made me second guess and overly scrutinize everything, which in one sense has been good because it has reinforced the fact that I've done nothing wrong. Knowing of these accusations though has also made me uncomfortable around certain family members who, I know, think things suspicious of me. In that sense I wish that I didn't know, as it has made me leery of associations with family members. Between knowing and not knowing I am glad that I know.